{"id":794,"date":"2012-10-02T17:34:04","date_gmt":"2012-10-02T15:34:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/supersushiwarriors.visitors-j.com\/?p=794"},"modified":"2012-10-02T17:38:09","modified_gmt":"2012-10-02T15:38:09","slug":"ich-bin-dein-tiger-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/supersushiwarriors.visitors-j.com\/?p=794","title":{"rendered":"Ich bin dein Tiger,…"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Ich<\/p>\n

Ich hatte einen Albtraum. Die Fingern\u00e4gel meiner linken Hand sind \u00fcber Nacht nachgewachsen und ich fand es sehr un\u00e4sthetisch\u2026 Verdammte Alben! <\/p>\n

Ich arbeite st\u00e4ndig daran, meine Ninja-F\u00e4higkeiten zu verbessern. Da hat der Thekenknecht aber nicht schlecht gestaunt, als ich f\u00fcnf Minuten vor Ende der All-You-Can-Drink-Frist sechs Longdrinks bestellte und in einem St\u00fcck zu unserem Tisch bef\u00f6rderte. Ein japanischer Kellner h\u00e4tte daf\u00fcr dreimal gehen m\u00fcssen. Nach der erfolgreichen Druckbetankung, einigen Sinnlosgespr\u00e4chen und einem weiteren gescheiterten Versuch, meine K\u00f6rperbewegungen dem Rhythmus der Musik anzupassen, schlich ich ger\u00e4usch- und spurlos aus dem Nachtclub und suchte mir drau\u00dfen ein lauschiges Pl\u00e4tzchen zum Erbrechen, nat\u00fcrlich ger\u00e4usch- und spurlos. Wie es sich f\u00fcr einen Ninja geb\u00fchrt, torkelte ich geistesgegenw\u00e4rtig vorher noch aus dem Sichtfeld der \u00dcberwachungskameras. <\/p>\n

Seit Juni dieses Jahres bin ich Aggrotarier, das hei\u00dft ich esse kein Fleisch mehr und bin dauernd aggressiv, vor allem gegen\u00fcber Tieren. Katzen schaue ich besonders b\u00f6se an, weil ich das Gef\u00fchl habe in einen Spiegel zu blicken.<\/p>\n

Um den Spezialit\u00e4ten des Landes Respekt zu zollen, und um unn\u00f6tige Diskussionen beziehungsweise unangenehme Situationen zu vermeiden, breche ich manchmal noch mit meinen neu gewonnenen Prinzipien. Dann esse ich rohen Fisch, dazu schleimige Fischeier, getrocknete Mantarochenflossen mit Mayonnaise, oder Kuhinnereien. Einfach alles, was man in einem traditionellen japanischen Restaurant in den Topf geworfen bekommt. <\/p>\n

In der Nacht hatte ich wieder einen Alptraum. Meine Achseln waren um ein Vielfaches ihrer urspr\u00fcnglichen Gr\u00f6\u00dfe gewachsen. Spontanes Achselwachstum. Mehr Kassler f\u00fcr alle. Verdammte Alpen.<\/p>\n

\n

I had a nightmare. The fingernails on my left hand grew again over night and I found it very unaesthetic\u2026 Damn mares.<\/p>\n

I constantly work on improving my ninja skills. The bar slave was quite surprised when I picked six long drinks at once and brought it to our table, five minutes before the end of the all-you-can-drink-deadline. A Japanese waiter would have needed three tours to complete the task. Having successfully pressure fuelled myself with alcohol, and after several meaningless conversations followed by one more failed trial of adapting my body movements to the rhythm of the music, I sneaked out the nightclub noise- and traceless in order to find a cosy place to puke. With an incredible presence of mind, I managed to stagger outside the vision range of the surveillance cameras before.<\/p>\n

Since June this year, I am an aggrotarian, that is to say I don\u2019t eat meat anymore and am constantly aggressive, especially with regard to animals. I gaze at cats in a particular evil way as I get the feeling to be looking in a mirror.<\/p>\n

In order to show respect to the specialities of the country, and to avoid unnecessary discussions as well as embarrassing situations, I sometimes still break with my newly acquired principles. Then I eat raw fish, slimy fish eggs, dried manta ray fins with mayonnaise, or cow guts. Principally everything that you get thrown into a traditional Japanese restaurant\u2019s pot.<\/p>\n

At night, I had a nightmare again. My armpits were grown by a multiple of their original size. Spontaneous armpit growth. More meat for everyone. Fucking damn mares.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ich hatte einen Albtraum. Die Fingern\u00e4gel meiner linken Hand sind \u00fcber Nacht nachgewachsen und ich fand es sehr un\u00e4sthetisch\u2026 Verdammte Alben!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":786,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/supersushiwarriors.visitors-j.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/794"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/supersushiwarriors.visitors-j.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/supersushiwarriors.visitors-j.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/supersushiwarriors.visitors-j.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/supersushiwarriors.visitors-j.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=794"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/supersushiwarriors.visitors-j.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/794\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":796,"href":"https:\/\/supersushiwarriors.visitors-j.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/794\/revisions\/796"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/supersushiwarriors.visitors-j.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/786"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/supersushiwarriors.visitors-j.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=794"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/supersushiwarriors.visitors-j.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=794"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/supersushiwarriors.visitors-j.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=794"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}